A Return to Reading

I don't know if there are many things I like to do more than read a good book. I had challenged myself to read close to 200 books this year and I am slacking. I have read 36 so far. I don't want to change my goal, but I just need to put more free time into reading than browsing the internet. I currently have about 55 books out from the library that I hope to read by the end of September. I mainly like to read African American nonfiction, biographies, religious books and books about politics. Here is my current "to read" list:

1. The Bitch is Back - Deja King
2. The Highest Price for Passion - Laurinda Brown
3. Hiding in Hip Hop - Terrance Dean
4. Mr. S: My Life with Frank Sinatra - George Jacobs
5. Quade's Babies - Brenda Jackson
6. Ordeal - Linda Lovelace
7. In Her Presence: A Husband's Dirty Secret - Nancy Weaver
8. Queen Bitch - Deja King
9. Sisters & Lovers - Connie Briscoe
10. Sisters & Husbands - Connie Briscoe
11. Thug Matrimony - Wahida Clark
12. Pure Paradise - Allison Hobbs
13. - Secret Society - Miasha
14. Alibi - Teri Woods
15. Never Enough - Miasha
16. Midnight Mover - Bobby Womack
17. OJ is Guilty But not of Murder - William C. Dean
18. Out of Bounds: Inside the NBA's culture of rape, violence and crime - Jeff Benedict
19. Don't Blame It on Rio - Jewel Woods
20. Insatiable - Heather Hunter
21. Livin Ain't Easy - Peron Long
22. Don't Want No Sugar - JD Mason
23. Sistah for Sale - Miasha
24. Live Your Joy - Bonnie St. John
25. Closer than your skin: Unwrapping the mystery of intimacy with God - Susan D. Hill
26. The Someday List - Stacy Hawkins Adams
27. High heels in high places: walking worthy in way cute shoes - Rhonda Rhea
28. The Fire Down in my soul - Allison Hobbs
29. You gotta sin to be saved - JD Mason
30. Before redemption - Teresa McClain-Watson
31. That devil's no friend of mine - JD Mason
32. Til Debt do us part - Michelle Larks
33. And mistress makes three - Francis Ray
34. Have mercy - Earl Sewell
35. Dark child - Travis Hunter
36. Chaser - Miasha
37. Sassy - Gloria Mallette
38. The Prada Plan
39. Maneater - Mary B. Morrison
40. Thug Politics - Dutch
41. A Hustler's Son II - Toy Styles
42. Resilience - Elizabeth Edwards
43. God ain't blind - Mary Monroe
44. Enter the past tense: my secret life as a CIA assassin - Ronald W. Haas
45. Spies for hire: the secret world of intelligence outsourcing - Tim Shomock
46. Out of bounds: coming out of sexual abuse, addiction and my life of lies in the NFL closet - Roy Simmons
47. Why should white guys have all the fun: how Reginald Lewis created a billion-dollar business empire - Reginald F. Lewis
48. The Prisoner's Wife - Asha Bandele
49. Truth Be told - Victoria Christopher Murray
50. A Sin and a shame - Victoria Christopher Murray
51. Grown folks business - Victoria Christopher Murray
52. Joy - Victoria Christopher Murray
53. The Ex Files - Victoria Christopher Murray
54. Temptation - Victoria Christopher Murray
55. Too Little, Too Late - Victoria Christopher Murray
56. Lady Jasmine - Victoria Christopher Murray

What about you? Do you like to read? Do you have a reading list?

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Addiction

This has been a crazy two days. Yesterday these events:

1. My youngest 1st cousin turned 30. We were talking about how grateful and blessed we were that all of us have made it to 30.
2. The date of Dr. King's famous "I Have A Dream" speech.
3. The death of DJ AM - I will get back to that later.

Today, another three events:

1. The birthday day of Michael Jackson
2. The funeral of Senator Ted Kennedy
3. The "anniversary" of Hurricane Katrina

I am still highly upset and saddened by Katrina and the state of New Orleans to this day. But, today I am focused on the death of DJ AM. First, let me say that I am Christian, so I do not believe in suicide. I do believe that suicide is the coward's way to escape life but something about his death really bothers me. And, I mean bothers me in a sad way.

I truly do not think people understand the power of addiction. And, I am not just talking about an addiction to crack, cocaine, or alcohol. A person can be addicted to sex, another person, to just about anything they really desire to have in their lives that they just can't let go. Addiction leads to overdoses, a sense of invicibility, and even murder among other crimes.

DJ AM never shied away from saying he was addicted to crack cocaine. He acknowledged and understood his addiction. Most folks can't take that first step as he had. And, then he put in the work to shake his habit. He became known as a former/recovering drug addict. And, then tragedy happens. He along with others are in a deadly plane crash. Could you imagine being a survivor - watching four other people die? Could you imagine the feeling knowing that out of the two survivors you had the lesser of injuries? Could you imagine living with that guilt? Yes, I am sure that he was glad that he received this second chance of life. But, he was human and post-traumatic stress is REAL. There is such a thing as survivor's remorse.

So, to have a recovering drug addict on prescription painkillers is a slippery slope and a recipe for diaster. I am saddened that he couldn't stay strong enough to continue to win his battle over crack cocaine. And, I truly do hope that DJ AM can now rest in peace.

Plate or Dugout???

I had plans to blog on a regular basis, but somehow everyday life got in the way. But, what is crazy is that some days I am not really doing anything at all. I get caught up reading, watching tv/movies, working out or just waiting for my computer to make a beeping noise from Skype.

It is crazy how a person can have a certain vision for their life, but another person makes a choice and because of that, your whole entire life gets turned upside down and inside out. That has been the story of the last year of my life. Folks that live a "regular, civilian" life have absolutely no idea. This is the not the same as someone going on a business trip. Each day has the potential to be a real life or death situation.

There are good days, there are bad days, and there are in between days. But, the important thing is that I get up and see what each day has in store for me. One thing for sure is that I do not have the spirit of fear (2 Timothy 1:7).

So, when you are placed in a situation that you didn't plan, how do you choose to handle it? Do you stand up to the plate or do you retreat into the dugout???

What a 24 Hours...

I haven't really slept since September 4th, 2008 for two reasons:

1. My husband is gone in the Army
2. I am total junkie when it comes to politics and I have been like that since I was 16 and went to Washington for the Presidential Classroom program and later when I interned for the governor throughout my time at THE GREAT OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY.

So, throughout these past few months I have had some sane and not so sane thoughts and I blame it all on the lack of sleep and sometimes lack of nutrition because there have been days that I have forgotten to eat!!! LOL!!

I became involved in Barack Obama's campaign the minute he announced his candidacy over in Springfield. As Elisabeth Hasselbeck (from ABC's The View) would say, I had drank a big ol tall glass of the kool-aid! These past two years have been filled with excitement, anger, inspiration, disgust, hope, peaks, valleys and last night at 11pm EST PURE JOY!

Between 11 and 11:45 I had already received 175 emails on my Blackberry. Some of them were emails of joy and others claiming the world is about to end. Literally, we are all about to die. Think Y2K but for real!!! LOL!

The combination of emails continued throughout the course of today (right now my blackberry has 623 unread emails). Some were so outlandish I was even amazed that I was left speechless and I found my mouth was wide open.

OUR (ALL American citizens) 44th President has not even taken the oath of office yet, even more, it has not even been twenty-four hours since he has been declared the winner that people are already claiming that OUR country is going to fall under socialist, Marxist, Muslim hands and the United States will be destroyed. Some of these emails are coming from so-called Christians and all I can do is ask myself, do I have an entirely different Bible than these folks?

My Bible states that we should be our brother's keeper. My Bible states that we should always look to help our neighbors. My Bible states that if you see that someone has fallen down, then you should help them back up. My Bible states that we are not to judge others. And, my Bible states that he that is without sin should cast the first stone.

I know people (so-called conservatives) will point to specific verses to say why Barack Obama is the worst person to have ever lived on the face of the earth. (Do you think he will ever make Keith's list???) But, I just say, remember you as a person, are in NO POSITION, to judge anyone (let me know if you need that specific verse because I will be more than delighted to pass that on to you).

Even though I have had some HEATED discussions, I have refused to allow another to steal my joy and my sheer happiness. I REFUSE TO JOIN IN OTHER PEOPLE'S MISERY. If you voted then you are grown and I can say to you: "Don't be such a sore loser, it's not a good look." Follow your candidate's lead, John McCain, and be gracious in defeat. Heck even Palin said it is time for us to unite and get behind this new administration. Give President Elect Obama a chance before you say he is going to fail.

So, back to the last twenty-four hours, yesterday morning my heart was still heavy with the passing of Obama's grandmother and just thinking if she could have held on for one more day. But, she already knew what was in store for her grandson though and was able to die in peace. I flipped through the morning shows as I do every single morning beginning at 5:30 and when it got around 9 I began making my calls. It wasn't a day of trying to convince voters to support my candidate of choice it was merely to remind them that it was voting day and their location to vote. They were great calls to make! While making calls I was still flipping through the news and on facebook (which is a great tool to network).

So, then 6:45pm or so came around and I was done cooking and it was time to go to my aunt's house so we could watch the election results as a family. As anytime with my family it was full of laughs, jokes and stories, man they are great!!! The states results started to come in and you could feel nervousness and anxiety come across the house. It was going as predicted and then it was time to announce PA - I don't think you could hear anyone breathing and it is announced Pennsylvania goes to Obama!!!! The house erupted but still quickly calmed down because Obama still needs another "swing" state to make this a reality at this moment. We already knew he would get the 55 electoral votes from California that was never in question. People were sending me messages what is your home state going to do, you know they always get it wrong, or why do your voting procedures seem so backwards and corrupt? I kept thinking to myself, come on Ohio, whichever candidate wins our state, let it be a clear decisive win. That's all I wanted for my home state. And, they said the State of Ohio goes to: Obama!!! You talk about a house on FIRE!!!! Praises were going up that could rival any Sunday in church. I come from a fairly intelligent family and we could all do the math in our heads in a quick second. There was no denying that Senator Barack Hussein Obama would be our 44th President!!!!

But, we still didn't want to jump ahead of history, so we waited as more dialogue continued. And, then 11pm EST hit the clock!!!! When you come from a family where you have a pastor (my cousin DK), a mother (my Granny) of her church (if you are not familiar with "black" churches that is an elder), a deacon (my father in law), some trustees (my mom and two of my uncles), some ushers and choir members, that moment when they said "Our projected 44th president is Barack Obama" was like being in church on the most anointed of Sundays. Some were in prayer, some were praising God, some were jumping up and down, others like myself couldn't do anything but let the tears flow and just wait for them to stop.

Amongst, some of the emails I have received today were people questioning why were people crying because this man has become the president. And, for me there is not just one reason, so here are a few as to why I shed my tears not only last night but at times throughout today:

1. Here is a man whose father abandoned him. He could have chosen to be a man that had a disregard for his own responsibility as a father. He chose the opposite path and is a great father and calls on his fellow man to be better parents and be more active in their child's lives. Look up his Father's Day speech, that is one of my favorites. He chose to use his father's absence as a building block instead of a crutch. And, I know all to well what that is like...
2. Obama had given me hope and belief in my fellow Americans that we can live, work and govern TOGETHER. It was/is such a nice feeling over these past two years to know that I was not the only that he inspired.
3. I have listened to countless stories from my Granny about what her life was like growing up in Pulaski, TN. She will be 81 on December 4th. She remembers when women gained the right to vote, but she still couldn't. She remembers when the only job she could get was cleaning someone's house because they didn't think "we" were capable of anything else. She remembers what it was like to make the big move to Louisville to work in a hotel something like an elevator porter. She remembers being able to only walk on a certain side of the street, to drink from a certain fountain, to use a specific restroom, to see the dogs and fire hoses. She remembers when "we" finally got the right to vote hundreds of years after this country had been built on the blood, sweat and tears of her parents and grandparents. She remembers Jack, Malcolm, Martin and Bobby being killed and a part of our (black people) dreams and hopes dying alongside them. And, she remembers when her son Kirby received his degree from Ohio State and was able to get the family their first house.
4. I then thought about my aunt talking about how her and her siblings were advised not to swim in the pool right here in Orrville because Orr Pool at that time was known to drain the pool if "we" would step one toe into their water.
5. I then thought about my uncle who won a gold medal in the Olympics for this country in 1968 in the sport of boxing. He has told stories numerous times how he was treated like a celebrity and what a great honor and pleasure it was to represent his country but then when he came home it was a completely different story for him. It was very reminiscent of how African-American soldiers were treated after they came home from fighting in World War II and in Vietnam. Watch Dead Presidents (cheap plug for my boy Larenz Tate)!!!
6. I then thought about my cousin Andre and my best friend's husband Russ. Andre has been to Iraq and back and Russ is currently deployed to the Middle East. They are fighting for us to be able to vote for whomever we want to vote for, our freedoms and our liberties.
7. BARACK LOVES HIS WIFE! I can't state that any more clearly. There has never been stories of him stepping out on his wife, rumors of him having a child/children out of wedlock. When Michelle walked out and he kissed her forehead and after his speech and everyone else (including Joe Biden) had left the stage and Obama was having that last moment by himself in front of everyone at Grant Park - his wife was there at the back of the stage patiently waiting on her husband. And, Michelle doesn't mine letting her man shine and have the spotlight. We all know her story as she too has a law degree. (Listen to Beyonce's Upgrade U). She allows her husband to lead. They are a remarkable couple for us to see in the limelight when there is a 50%+ divorce rate.
8. And, last but not least, I thought about my husband. This was more like a personal sadness because he wasn't here to share this historic life-changing moment with me. I instinctively picked up my phone to call him and of course it went straight to voice mail. And, that's when my tears really began, but just like always then Nikki called me and saved the day!!!! As I write this, I just hope one of his drill sergeants told his platoon of the election results. Or, he will get my letter I put in the mail today that said nothing besides quoting some Young Jeezy!!! (See I got a little modern-day rap in me)!

This moment in time is new to all of us. Not one single person alive has ever experienced this before. Some of us are choosing to embrace it and others see it as gloom and doom. We are in a MESS. ALL OF US. TOGETHER. We are in a financial crisis, we are a nation in two wars and our reputation across the world is tarnished - so, c'mon let's give the President Elect a fighting chance. Like he said last night, "We as a people will get there...In this country, we rise or fall as one nation, as one people. Let's resist the temptation to fall back on the same partisanship and pettiness and immaturity that has poisoned our politics for so long. Let's remember that it was a man from this state (Illinois) who first carried the banner of the Republican Party to the White House, a party founded on the values of self-reliance and individual liberty and national unity. Those are values that we all share. And while the Democratic Party has won a great victory tonight, we do so with a measure of humility and determination to heal the divides that have held back our progress. As Lincoln said to a nation far more divided than ours, we are not enemies but friends. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection. And to those Americans whose support I have yet to earn, I may not have won your vote tonight, but I hear your voices. I need your help. And I will be your president, too."

So, in closing, I ask, give Barack Obama a chance to earn your support. And, those of you that do currently support him, continue to do so, don't let others break your spirit and keep him and his family lifted up in your prayers daily!

And, I, as a woman of color, now believes that absolutely anything is possible and the best is yet to come!!!!!!!